What do you really want?

Today I begin sharing a few excerpts from my book on Clarity. Enjoy!

What do you really want? How badly do you want it? What are you prepared to do to get that thing you want so badly?
One thing I have come to realize is that most people do not really want the things they think they want. Their desires are usually nothing more than lazy wishes. As the saying goes, ‘’if wishes were horses, beggars would ride.’’
You don’t see many beggars riding horses do you? Wishes are not horses, wishes are ephemeral thoughts that float in and out of our minds at will. In order to make a wish a reality, you need to take hold of the thought and give it substance.
And that is what this book is all about.
I have wished for many things in my life (I wanted to be a tall girl, at least 5ft.8 inches tall, but I’m barely 5ft 4inches!) I wished to have a degree from the UK before age thirty. I wished for a home by the beach. I wished to be at the opening ceremony of the 1996 Olympics in Atlanta
So many wishes that never saw the light of day! In looking back, I realize that they did not see the light of day because they were thoughts, I never took hold of and made them into reality. In other words, they remained in my head and went out as easily as they came in.
On the other hand, there are quite a number of thoughts that seemed totally impossible at the time they floated into my subconscious that are today my realities. I will be sharing some of those thoughts-turned-into-realities with you as we go along.
Human beings are essentially co-creators with God. In the Bible it is clearly stated:
“let Us make man in Our image, according to Our likeness…”
This statement came immediately after the account of the creation of the Heavens and the Earth. Now, if something is made in the likeness of another, it usually has the same properties as the original. It has the same abilities and capabilities. Meaning therefore, that if man was made in the image and likeness of the creator, he has the capacity to create. Again, the Bible in another place says, ‘’…as He is so are we in this world…”
If all of this is true, why then do we live so far below what we desire? Could it be that we do not really want the things we say we want? Or is it simply a lack of understanding of how to get what we desire?

Clarity Versus Reality is due for release in April.



I have lost count of the number of times I stood in front of my closet agonizing over what t-shirt to put on for my early morning walks, or to go to the shop or even just wear around the house. Sometimes I wear the same T-shirt repeatedly simply because I believe I do not have enough.

In the past few weeks I have been doing a lot of travelling and last week I came home from a long trip away with loads of laundry. Knowing that I would soon be off again on another trip I decided that I would wash a little every day until I was done with the backlog. My washing machine is bad so I would have to do all the washing by hand. And that’s how I made this startling discovery.

While sorting through my t-shirts, I realized that I seemed to have quite a number more than I thought. I began to think that I possibly had up to a dozen or more. So, I started to count. I have a separate space for t-shirts in my closet which I had largely ignored and mixed up with up other items of clothing. I decided, ‘’no more, this space would be for t-shirts only.’’
Then I took inventory.

As of this morning, I have sorted, rescued, found, washed, hung and retrieved twenty-five t-shirts from various places of my house and still counting!
Twenty-five t-shirts? Me?? How? From where did they come? How is it I never knew I was so T-shirt rich?

I was pleasantly surprised. Simply by deciding to be more focused with my wardrobe maintenance I have found a huge cache of clothes I didn’t even know I had. All types, colours and sizes of t-shirts, bought by me or received as gifts at one time or the other in the recent past, yet I lived my life like I had maybe half a dozen t-shirts!

What other areas of my life might I be complaining and grumbling about simply because I’m not looking closely enough? What challenges are you crying over because you aren’t taking proper stock? Isn’t it possible that if we focused more on the blessings we would find that we aren’t lacking as much as we thought?

Maybe, before we complain about that thing that isn’t working, we should focus instead on what is. Maybe all we really need to do at this time is go count the t-shirts. They may be more than you think!


The Fire Conferences

I met some really phenomenal ladies last week; women who are making tangible differences in various fields of endeavour but who are held down by age old beliefs and retrogrssesive cultural beliefs about the place of the female Homo sapiens.

What I find particularly heartbreaking though is the attitude of some of my sisters. We seem like the proverbial horse tied to the plastic chair. Some of the issues facing us are really daunting no doubt but some of them are more issues of the mind than anything else. We seem to have bought the lie that there really is a glass ceiling that we are not allowed to shatter. Maybe there is a glass ceiling but hello?

That is why it is made of glass. Break it and don’t apologize. So many others have done it before you. And many more will do it.
Which is why I run the FIRE conferences, to help you light a fire in your career, business, marriage and life. You are female but you can be intentionally relevant everywhere.

Get fired up. Book to attend a fire conference in your city.

My Gratitude Chronicles (2)

Broken bones and forgiveness

When I was about twelve or thirteen years old, someone did a bad DV episode on me and broke my back, (at least, that’s what the local orthopaedic guy said when my Mom took me to him very late the night after the incident

I had been staying with this family that was not entirely mine, (story for another day), and the man of the house was a troubled soul who was quite violent. On the night in question, an argument between husband and wife resulted in a severe case of wife battery, and somehow I was the innocent bystander who got caught in the fray. And I was beaten very badly. I was slapped, punched, kicked, tossed in the air and finally stepped upon. And my back cracked. The following day I was shipped off to my parents; broken, bruised and battered, but alive.

And I forgave them.

Forgiveness has always been easy for me. Maybe because I’m a coward at heart and revenge takes too much energy? I do not know,, and please don’t hurt me just so you can find out, lol!

But I am a happier person when I forgive. Bitterness and anger give me headaches and body cramps. I think that being bitter is sometimes worse than having broken bones. I am grateful to God that I have none.

For if ye forgive men their trespasses, your heavenly Father will also forgive you.” Matt.6:14


My Gratitude Chronicles (1)

When I was about 5 years old, I had a dream. It was a terrible nightmare and the dream is as clear now as the night I first had it more than forty years ago. In the dream, there were some people dressed in black from top to bottom; and they were standing beside a very big grave. There were a lot of kids all lined up around the gaping hole-in-the-ground.One of the people was giving instructions to the others to bring the children, and as they brought them, they would toss them into the grave. I was so frightened!

When it came to my turn, I somehow wriggled out of their grasp and ran.

Then I woke up. I was drenched in sweat and was so frightened. I was sleeping beside my mother that night, and she woke up when I ‘ran’ out of the dream. She guessed I must have had a bad dream, and she repeatedly asked me what the matter was, but I was so scared I could not tell her about the dream. After a while, she told me to lie down and go back to sleep. But I was too scared to sleep that night.


I ‘knew’ instinctively who the leader of the people in black was, and I was scared that if I told my Mother the person would come after me in real life and kill me. So I kept quiet. It was a secret I could not share. I kept thinking about the dream and wondering what it meant for many years, but I still could not share for a long time.

Finally, in my thirties, I told my Mom. She was shocked that I kept such a dream secret for so long. Then she prayed for me, that no harm would befall me. But by then I knew I would be fine because God was with me.

It’s been almost fifty years, and I’m still here; still standing, jumping, leaping and praising God.

Ye, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil…” Psalm 23:4

I owe my life to God alone.


#Elsiewrite. http://www.elsiewrite.com

While we wait.

I was at the airport a few days ago on my way to someplace important. I set out promptly with almost two hours to go before my flight. I checked in my bags and got to the departure,lounge all with time to spare.

Then the announcement came. My flight would be delayed by an hour.

Oh well!

I didn’t want this wait. I was going somewhere, and I had my schedule all planned out. Besides, I was in great discomfort from an upset stomach, and I just wanted to get on that plane and fly.

So what did I do?

I waited. I could not force that plane to be on time. I could not call the airline or the pilot or the crew. I just sat down and waited, discomfort and all.

And while I sat there I looked around at the December crowd of people waiting. I reflected on the fact that I would never ever see most of them again no matter how long I live. And I wondered what their life stories are. I wished I could go to each person in that airport lounge and ask why they were traveling and what they were thinking as they waited. Where they missing a loved one? Did they wish they had hurried less only to end up waiting at the airport? Did they leave an unkissed wife/husband at home? A crying child? An unfinished budget in the office? I guess I will never know.

And I continue to wait..

So it is with our lives. We hurry and leave things undone, and we end up waiting for stuff to get done. Sometimes we think we are totally in control because we have done all we can, and then life makes you wait.

While we wait can we reflect on what’s truly important? Can we stop and smell roses sometimes or wipe a runny nose for a child.

While we wait can we take the time to be kind? Share a candy with a total stranger and just remember to be human? Waiting could be a good thing if we take the time to visit our insides while we wait. Don’t lose the beauty of the times of waiting and wish it went faster. Don’t hurry up and wait either.

Nigeria @55: 55 Nigerians I admire and respect.

When I first came up with the idea of this article series sometime last year it seemed like the most ridiculous thing anyone could think of doing with their time. A number of my friends told me I would never be able to find as much as ten untainted Nigerians to write about let alone 55. I was sure there were more than a few people who had not bowed their knees to the proverbial Baal. Men and women who had excelled at whatever they were doing without looking up to the government to skew things in their favour. I was not wrong.
As I did my research I began to realize that the project was a bigger one than I first envisioned; I began to see that indeed, there are people worth celebrating in this seeming non- nation of ours. People who had made tenacity and a strong love for the fatherland ( or is it motherland?) their very raison d’etre. And in my heart I feel glad that I took on this private project. This series is about celebrating all that is good and praiseworthy in us as a people because, believe me, there is a lot.
Nigerians are a unique lot. They are funny, loving, hospitable, industrious, and believe it or not, trustworthy. Granted we have our flaws, but then which nation doesn’t have its share of the good, the bad and the ugly?

This series is a deliberate effort to focus on the good rather than the bad and ugly; we have enough people telling us how crazy we are, my aim is to let us know that in the midst of the craziness, there is a bunch of very ‘correct’ people…
We shall continue our series from where we stopped..