In defence of my BB

In recent times social media news feeds have been awash with stories of the coming of BBM to Android and iPhone. Many have predicted that this will mean the death of the Blackberry phone, at least as we know it. None of these upsets me; what has caught my angst is the way a lot of people have reacted to this news- with glee, with outright jubilation in some quarters.

The blackberry seems to have become the most vilified object in recent phone history. Suddenly it seems to be a “social offence” to own a Blackberry. Or to be proud of the fact of ownership. Granted there are people in my society who see the blackberry as a status symbol and a must-have item in order to, as they say, “belong”. To this group of people you are one class below the primates if you do not own one of these devices. They go around “pinging” people and broadcasting their BB pins or “pin number”. None the less, the blackberry phone has been one of the more innovative devices invented in recent times. It has revolutionized the way small businesses operate, saved the business owner thousands of dollars, and made communication the joy it should be. With a few clicks a business owner can hold multiple meetings while responding to emails and keeping abreast of happenings in the social and traditional media. Blackberry took telephony several steps beyond a mere 2-way communicating device; it helped to significantly shrink the global village and bring it even nearer home.

I have used a blackberry device for many years and will continue to do so; for some of us it goes beyond being a phone, it is a complete communication and small business tool. So haters hate all you want, I’m sticking to my BB!

ps: this article was originally written several months ago for a techie blog; they refused to post it. I’m posting it with no apologies; I’m a BB person.


What A Woman Needs In A Man continued.

So, there has to be more than just looks? The man has to know how to wear his looks and show there’s more to him than meets the eye? So could it be in the wallet?

This is the point at which several of my readers will disagree with me. A woman does not need Adnan Kashogi to make her happy. A man could be a pauper and still be very happily married if he understands leadership. A good leader is one who has a clear vision, is on a mission and knows how to communicate that vision to a follower. A man with a good plan will “catch” and “keep” a good woman any day. Whether a man is rich or poor, he should be able to carry his wife along and address whatever concerns she may have about their financial security. A man should be seen to be working his plan and not just talking about it. His life’s dream may be to own a housing Estate, but his present position may be that of a bricklayer; if he is a good leader, the woman will support him to actualize his dream. I’ve had young men complain to me that all the women want is a man with a fat wallet, well, have you ever really sat down and wondered why?

A woman wants to know that you have a proper plan for your life and you are sufficiently motivated in yourself to work that plan. She doesn’t want to be one to feed you and the family, pay the rent, pay school fees and generally “wear the trousers” in the house. And you shouldn’t want that either! If she has more money than you, you should win her trust and confidence and make her understand fully that the situation is temporary. Even where the situation is permanent, do all you can to earn sufficient to show that you are not dependent on her. Be self assured enough to provide the support she may need.

The Queen of England is, without a doubt, richer than her husband, but I doubt if the man has ever felt inferior to her. There are scores of men who are married to richer women, and happily so. The size of the man’s wallet does not determine the happiness in the home. No man, born of a woman should be intimidated by what a woman has or by what she demands. If you are the leader of yourself and your pocket, the woman will follow you. On a final note, if you are not a leader and you rely on your wallet, you would only be paying for what your mates are getting for free!

Let the reader understand!

We’ll continue next week

comments welcome

What a woman needs in A Man-Leadership 1

Leadership. What do I mean? Why not love? Okay, calm down and allow me explain what I mean. The leadership I mean does not equate to be the boss or being the HEAD of the home. It is that indefinable trait that sets a man apart from other men. If we will go over the M&B characteristics listed above we will find that it is leadership that is appearing in all those qualities. Please hear me well and don’t hiss yet. In fact, let’s take another look at the qualities again in light of our leadership argument.
Tall Dark and Handsome or TDH for short. The typical TDH man is a leader. He either knows or has a pretty good idea of where he wants to go and what he wants to do with his life. He knows the type of woman he wants. He has his life planned out to a certain degree. He may not look, smell or feel like his future but he knows there’s a bright future for him just around the corner and all he needs is the woman to help him birth that vision. He usually has an aura of confidence borne out of a sense of knowing what to do. It is this then, rather than the great looks that, makes us swoon. He exudes a quiet aura that says, “I know who I am”.

What Do women Want In A Man 2

Okay, we will continue as promised, from where we left off. But perhaps I should add a little disclaimer? My views in this post are not necessarily a reflection of my own or anyone else’s marriage. I may use real life examples but will indicate when I do. It is not an indictment or endorsement of anyone. If anyone feels hurt by this, please ask yourself if there might be a shoe pinching you somewhere; I will never intentionally hurt or harm anyone by what I write. I will not aim to please you either! I am a Christian and most things I write are guided and guarded by my Christian beliefs, but this is not a sermon. And last but not the least, it is not the view or opinion of the Ministry where I serve as a marriage counselor. These are my views based on observations and reflections over the years. And hey!, this is meant to be fun and lighthearted (though never a lie!) Phew!

We were talking about TDH;nsome of us back in secondary school swore we would never marry a short man no matter how rich he was! He had to be so tall that those of us who were very close to the ground would almost require ladders to grab a kiss! some of us did get TDH in later life but that’s not what a woman needs.

2. Adnan Kashogi- Please forgive me for my archaic terminologies but I grew up in a different time. We referred to the rich guys as Kashogi (not quite sure of the spelling and do not want to wake google up). Anyway, in addition to TDH, we wanted the guy to be extremely rich! So rich that he could buy us the moon if we wanted or take us to Hawaii for breakfast, London for lunch and of course nighttime had to be in Paris! But now I know, that’s not what a woman needs.

3. A tireless sex machine- The men might be surprised that women fantasize about such things but, oh well, that is definitely not what a woman needs.

4. A Romantic- the type who buys flowers, remembers every birthday, buys jewelry three times everyday (he is Kashogi remember?) and sings like Barry White.  The man who wakes you up in the morning with a kiss and says things, “I will give you the moon if you’ll only let me carry you to the bathroom and scrub your back”. “I gave you my heart and soul the day I met you, and now I need your permission to live”! Nah, that’s not what a woman needs. No, not all!

5. Love-Huh? should this be on this list? isn’t love the real deal? Have I lost my pebbles? Please hold on before you hiss and call the psychiatrist or my Pastor. Love? what is love? Is this what a woman needs in a man? Which type of  love? Let’s leave on the list of things a woman does not need in a man and go on to what she does need!


1. Leadership



4. Leadership

5. Leadership

I know that is not what you expect but this is what I have observed and this is what we are going to discuss and examine. I know some people will hiss and throw virtual stones at me but that’s alright too. All I ask is, wait till the end of this story!

I’ll be back soon…

What Do Women Want In a Man?

This topic arose out a discussion we had on one of our Blackberry groups recently. What does a woman want/need in a man? What is that one quality that he needs to develop in order to attract and keep the woman of his dreams? Why do some marriages seem like Heaven on Earth and others appear to be “mini hell-fires?”

I will not claim to be an expert on these questions and I hope that you, my dear reader will add your views to educate us. I have been married for a good number of years. I have also been priviledged to watch married people closely. in addition I have received and still receiving world class training as a marriage counsellor. None of these qualify me as an expert; but it does mean that I watch couples and marriages and I listen to women talk, and men too!

So what does a woman need? I will use need rather than want and sometimes interchangeably. Our wants differ with different circumstances but our needs are usually more or less constant. let me start by stating what a woman does not need.

TDH- Tall, Dark and Handsome. I grew up in the Mills and Boon generation of TDH. We thought that if a man was tall, dark and handsome then all was well with our World…to be continued tomorrw 

The defiled generation: A lesson from Ezra

The book of Ezra chapter 2 verses 61- 63- a most pathetic story. An account of people who came back home from captivity, with everyone listed and numbered until it gets to the turn of the sons Habaiah, Koz, and Barzillai. Suddenly there’s a pause. I can imagine the official who was checking through the scrolls, asking them over and over to repeat their names. In my society of today, they would ask them to spell their names while those on the queue would be pushing and jostling impatiently. The men would be asked if they’d forgotten their own names; someone would very likely shout that they should move out of the way for others. Alas! It was a fruitless search. Their names were not in the listing; they had not been registered by genealogy like the rest and so there was no record of their membership of the priesthood. They could not access that which rightfully belonged to them. Why? because they had “sold” their birthright- well in a sense. They had intermarried with foreign women and taken their mothers’ names. They had despised their lineage, probably at a time when it seemed like the name was of no use to them. At a time when it was more profitable to be identified with the foreigners than with their own people. They didn’t reckon that their own name would one one day amount to anything worth having and so they sacrificed the long term for the immediate. They gave up eternity for convenience.
Sad as this story makes me, I can’t help but reflect on what happens today in our society. We have succeeded in raising a generation of people without a sense of history; a sense of genealogy, a sense of pride in the family heritage. Everyone today wants to “belong”. We have people in their twenties and thirties, old enough to be “priests” but with no sense of history. Some of them have never as much as set foot in their villages and hometowns. Others have only been a few times for funerals and a few celebrations. They do not speak their languages and have so melded with the city people that it has become close to impossible to differentiate between the man from Ogun state and the one from Taraba state (I use these states as examples only).
In several cases, the mothers have been largely to blame as they frequently disparage the husband’s ancestry and raise the kids to identify with the “city people”. It makes me wonder what would happen if we all had to go back to our homes to partake in the “holy things” of our different ancestry. Would we and/our children be missing from the books? Would our children be described as defiled and unfit to participate in that which is rightfully theirs?